Other individuals seem comfortable at the front but need other people to assure them that they are safe. It is not necessarily an attention-seeking behaviour but a more profound urge to be noticed, appreciated or recognised. This tendency may manifest itself in daily dialogues and be reflected in some repetitions. These words might seem innocuous, but with time, one can see how these words have some patterns of emotional dependency. This is not to understand them in terms of labelling individuals, but rather to understand human behaviour that we experience at one time or another in life.
“Do you think I did okay?”
This is a phrase that is usually used even after one has clearly accomplished something well. The asking individual is not interested in betterment but rather in external recognition. It is an indication of the doubt regarding self-evaluation and a tendency to gauge value in response to other people. This may, in the long run, bring a sense of insecurity.
“Be honest—do you like it?”
Honesty is required, but the fact that this question needs to be asked over and over again implies that there is something wrong with the personal taste or choice. The speaker might already be doubting him/herself and is trying to find some sort of reassurance to hush the doubt. It takes validation from the outside rather than placing it on one’s own judgement. The term ends up acting as a cushioning mechanism as opposed to a sincere feedback mechanism.
“I just want everyone to be happy.”
This is generous and kind to a superficial level of observation. It is, in fact, an indicator of fear of criticism or confrontation. Reliant persons can make themselves secondary to the needs of others. This attitude, in most cases, causes emotional burnout and unresolved resentment.
“Did you notice what I did?”
This is a statement that denotes a wish to have recognition as opposed to having satisfaction with the work. The move is not complete without recognition. Although it comes naturally, the fact that one requires recognition at all times can make accomplishments a means of approval. It is no longer about purpose but rather praise.
“I’m probably overthinking this.”
This is a statement that begs to be reassured more than contemplated. The speaker might already experience insecurity regarding his/her thoughts and desires to get an assurance that he/she is not alone and wrong. It turns into a means to find comfort without requesting it specifically. The practice thus reinforces the doubting component instead of countering it.
“I don’t want to sound stupid, but…”
This saying shows that there is panic over being judged even before one shares an idea. It is an indication of low confidence in a voice. The speaker is already defending themselves. In the long run, this may hinder free communication and expression.
“People usually don’t get me.”
This may be true at times; however, frequent repetition usually demonstrates some desire to feel special or misunderstood in a bid to get validated. The sentence begs to be reassured and sympathised with. It is able to establish some emotional distance, yet in pursuit of connection. The acceptance is the recognition of being perceptibly different.
“I hope that didn’t bother you.”
This is a sentence that is mostly used in minor actions that do not need an apology. It demonstrates greater sensitivity towards the reactions of others. Even in cases where there is none, the speaker may be afraid of negative criticism. Excessive use of this expression can be an indicator of emotional self-observation at a pathological level.
“I’m just being honest.”
This term can serve as a defence in case of uncertainty about approval. It tries to defend words or actions in advance when responses are not received. To validation-seekers, honesty serves as a device of defence against rejection. Transparency is not required, but acceptance is necessary.
“You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?”
Such a question displays fear of invisible disapproval. The speaker can have a problem with the silence or neutrality. They want to be assured that they are still acceptable. The term is an emphasis on reliance on the continuous emotional loop.
I don’t really care what people think… but still
This paradox generally exudes internal conflict. The independence is proclaimed, but validation is desired nevertheless. The term permits the vulnerability without necessarily acknowledging insecurity. It is the struggle of a human being between self-confidence and social acceptance.
